mi ani? ma ani?

like my people, my

thoughts
poems
head
love
history

all are scattered.

and now that my matriarch is dead,

what
where
who

am i?

why did you leave me like this?
i don’t feel ready.

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what the world has stolen from us

i honestly don’t know if i will get over the fact that i know nothing, and most likely will never know anything, about my history past the last 3 generations.

where did they live? where did they come from? who were they? what did they do? what were their names? how many of them were there?

i will never be able to answer any of those questions

u murdered my history and u expect me to be complacent when u further try to degrade me and force me to give up the only thing i have left of my ancestry?

fiddler rant

i really genuinely resent the fact that fiddler, which was a hugely important movie for me and my diasporic sorrow, is such a cultural icon to goyim who know nothing at all about jewishness and often spout antisemitism if not out of maliciousness then out of willfull ignorance

they remember every line in the movie and it means nothing to them but a great musical! it doesnt have to be a stand in for their actual family history, they dont have to watch it and cry bc they wonder if their great-grandparents disowned their children for running away with a goy before they were destroyed by hashoah…